{"id":205,"date":"2013-02-08T23:13:03","date_gmt":"2013-02-08T23:13:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/julicidal.com\/?p=205"},"modified":"2013-02-08T23:13:03","modified_gmt":"2013-02-08T23:13:03","slug":"toothbrushes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/julicidal.com\/?p=205","title":{"rendered":"Toothbrushes"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"images<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Our toothbrushes lie side by side
\nOn the counter
\nLike an old married couple
\nSomehow symbolic of what we’ve become.
\nStill,
\nSilent,
\nInanimate.
\nObjectified by the closeness we once shared.
\nA glob of green toothpaste
\nClings to the edge of the basin.
\nI can almost tell it’s his by the shape
\nBut I am the sloppy one
\nSo he’ll say it is mine.
\nNot that it matters.
\nI am merely postponing the inevitable with useless thought.
\nMy boxes are scattered from room to room
\nFilled with myself, or the things I am made of.
\nI toss a dozen dried flowers into a garbage sack full of beer cans.
\nI won’t look back
\nWhen I fasten the twist tie.
\nAt least not with tears.
\nIt’s reality.
\nThe music grows louder.
\nSunday smiles through the window
\nGray with clouded over emptiness
\nThe way I fee inside.
\nI wish the song would end
\nIt is heart wrenching to close the door for the last time
\nWith my favorite album playing in the background
\nCaressing our memories of here.
\nIrony
\nAgain
\nSuddenly the whole world listens to my pain
\nThrough speakers of misunderstanding.
\nGod must be here now
\nIt’s either a sign or some kind of karma.
\nI slide the apartment key off of the silver ring he gave to me.
\nThe little loop is bent with the scars of overuse.
\nAnother empty circle in my hand.
\nThe gold key on the plastic,
\nWood simulated tabletop laughs back as I place it there
\nNo longer victim to my mental vacancy
\nOr the way I would lose it three times per day.
\nI think we’ll miss it.
\nThe trauma of our friction,
\nThe pain of indecision,
\nThe warmth of always knowing
\nSomeone waits at home with light on.
\nAnother goodbye,
\nA change of season,
\nA simple drifting apart from friendliness.
\nIt’s comforting to hurt this way.
\nFamiliarity burns in my chest
\nLike it has before
\nBut different in that this time
\nI was almost used to being happy.
\nAlmost
\nSaved me again.
\nI look around myself
\nThinking he will be safer
\nWithout my lunacy to shade his space
\nAnd all of the razor blades I leave behind
\nSlightly caked with the blood
\nOf all that is horrid.
\nI wonder what he must be thinking?
\nBut I already know.
\nHis handwritten words jump back at me
\nFrom my mind.
\nA flashback from a letter I should not have seen
\nBut read anyway just to spite him.
\nI think I’ll pretend I’m leaving for vacation,
\nOr a promotion,
\nOr because I fell in love.
\nIt’s too disconcerting to remind myself
\nI leave for nothing more than my old habits
\nWhich drilled holes in everything beautiful.
\nLife
\nUnder construction one more time
\nA new foundation
\nProbably on sand
\nAnd probably as temporary as my sanity is today.
\nBut it’s okay
\nI learn from loss.
\nI reach for my toothbrush.
\nThe very last of all I own
\nBut I can’t make the separation.
\nSo I leave it
\nHoping he’ll save it with the happier times\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Our toothbrushes lie side by side On the counter Like an old married couple Somehow symbolic of what we’ve become. Still, Silent, Inanimate. Objectified by the closeness we once shared. A glob of green toothpaste Clings to the edge of the basin. I can almost tell it’s his by the shape But I am […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-205","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/julicidal.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/205","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/julicidal.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/julicidal.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/julicidal.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/julicidal.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=205"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/julicidal.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/205\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":208,"href":"https:\/\/julicidal.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/205\/revisions\/208"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/julicidal.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=205"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/julicidal.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=205"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/julicidal.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=205"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}